Monday, 6 May 2013

Feeling a little tearful today

Hia Everyone,

Today since looking through some of my old photos of what was meant to be the best time of my life on tour I cant help but get a little choked because I knew behind that smile was sadness.

I went on tour three years ago now across the USA in my very own pink tour bus whilst stopping off at some of the Sephora stores to launch my own make up line and meeting people who watched my videos.

I remember being so excited to meet everyone that came but scared in case they didn't like what they saw because I sure didn't like what I saw when I looked in the mirror. As I walked through each Sephora store door I remember hearing the cheers and whilst being swept up in the moment I couldn't shake the fact that I felt disgusting inside.

Ive been quite big since just after my teenage years, it pretty much piled on after having Jordan and I never did anything about removing that extra baby weight, then one thing led to another and before I knew it I was what I felt huge.

The one thing that kept me going through my "magical experience" was the fact that you all had accepted me as I was back then and now. You didn't judge me, you liked me and some even came to meet me at the different events.
I want to thank you for that, you all made me feel special and I always wanted to make you feel special back.

Anyway I did some digging for old photos and found some from my tour days. Whilst looking through them I got quite choked and can't really explain why?? maybe its because I realised none of you ever held my weight against me, But I did.

I am away to London tomorrow for quite a big meeting which I am looking forward to yet nervous about. They won't have seen me in the flesh at my biggest, I am kind of glad as I always felt it changed peoples opinion especially in the make up industry.....but again was that all in my paranoid head?

Here are my so far before and after pics. First at 12 stone 6lbs and after at 10 stone 6lbs

Now no laughing at my muppet face here, erghh but its the only picture I have of far anyway :)

So its strange that it takes a photo to make you realise how far you have come with any weight loss journey.  I don't think my stupid brain has caught up because I still feel like that bigger girl who feels insecure and should be wearing her baggy tops to hide all the fat.

It will one day though and I am waiting for it to hit my like a ton of bricks so I can enjoy more about the new me. I don't ever want to go back.

Thanks for reading and if you are following a diet or a new way of life, Good on you, its hard and you have all my well wishes :)

Zoom zoom!


UmmBilal said...

You were gorgeous then and you are now, love yourself no matter your size. We love you Laura because you're warm and friendly we dont notice your dress size !!

Heliana NonBombshell said...

The change is awesome but we love you no matter how much you weight because you are an amazing and positive person! Love you Lauren!

Heliana. said...

You are so me right now!! I have lost what you have over this last year with surgery and I am still waiting to feel better about myself...I am getting there and you are not alone!! Just keep your pretty chin up and love yourself!!!

Maria said...

What a change!! Wow :)
And you are a beautiful, wonderful person whatever you look like.
About the self image and the brain adjusting to a changing body. It's really all in our head :) You are what you think. The words "I am" are the most powerful every, so choose carefully - choose only positive words! :) ♥

Anonymous said...

Wow you look amazing!!! Great job. I love you still the same but I'm so glad you're feeling a lot better.

Anonymous said...

Haha! Unfortunate choice of photos to represent the article - you look so unhappy in the new one. I think you look wonderful - you are beautiful inside and out but i know that doesn't count for much when you're sad inside.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the weight loss, I always thought you were very pretty and what is more important, you always seemed very upbeat to me, your videos were like a breath of fresh air. I'm glad you are getting to a place where you can love yourself. People always say the same, you are beautiful inside too, but we never feel that way do we? You've inspired me to try harder as well! I'm a big girl and I really need to shed a few pounds.

New Death Designs said...

You have always been and will always be beautiful, inside and out.

Srita Caramelo said...

I think you are beautiful in both pictures. I feel happy for you that you're feeling better in your own skin. I've been struggling with some changes in my diet as well (maybe not as drastic as yours, but a compromise to eat a lot healthier than I was). My weight loss is slow, but I know that the weight isn't the most important for me, but knowing that I'm doing what's good for my body.
Congratulations on all of your progress. I hope you get to where you want to be. I love you whether you're big, small, tall, short, blue, or whaatever. You are a wonderful person and I love seing how much you've grown over the last 5 years (yes, I've been watching your videos almost since you've started). you deserve everything good in the world.
Huge hugs!


Jessica Hopper said...

You've done so so well with your weight loss Lauren and you should be SO proud of yourself. When me and Loz met you at the Metro you were an amazing inspiration to us both. Keep doing what you're doing you're doing amazingly! xx

Jen said...

You are beautiful inside and out. That is evident just watching your videos and seeing what a bright, kind and loving person you are. I know you care about and accept all of us regardless of our weight or appearance; why would it be different in how we feel about you? Carry on, beautiful girl! Keep looking at those photos and be proud of your accomplishments. <3

Bonnie Lane said...

Oh -- Lauren -- you are so cute and sweet! I ALWAYS love hearing from you, and the fact that we both share a love of related Pomeranians makes me feel even closer to you. You look terrific, (but you always looked special to me!) I love hearing from you, and I am so proud and happy for you. BRAVO! If you ever plan on returning for a visit to the U.S., be sure to let me know.

Bonnie Lane said...

Lauren - I also messaged you on FaceBook. Good Luck tomorrow!

Nika M said...

Hello. I really like your blog and it would mean a lot to me if you take a minute and check my blog. Thank you so so much, have a nice day,
xoxo Nika

Michelle said...

Congrats! You are looking amazing but you looked amazing before ;) I've tried Atkins before but I can't eat rich or fatty foods so couldn't really do it. I wish your poll had another option or rather an "Other" option as after many years of struggling, I have finally found what works for me and so far it's the only one that has kept the weight off even when I've fallen off the wagon.

PS: Just to add that for many years I've wanted to look like you.

Dana Kathleen said...

You are looking amazing but you were beautiful then too. Your videos were the first ones I watched when I got into the youtube beauty scene and you're still one of my favorites. You are honest and genuine and always a joy to watch. Keep up the awesome work, Lauren! You're looking fab! =)

Lilli Nikolaisen said...

You are a stunning woman dear Lauren. Both befor and now. Your weight is merely a number. Who you are makes you so amazing and the fact that you are down to earth just is a cherry on top. I am so happy you are seeing progress with the weightloss, you deserve the world. You are greatly missed by alot of us..hehe

Major hugs from Lilli =)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Lauren! You look fantastic, yet you always have <3
I ordered your makeup brush line a long while ago, you were the first beauty youtuber I ever started watching.

Shay Crowfeather said...

I am so proud of your progress! You're doing wonderfully and I admire your will power. :) keep it up‚ we believe in you!

Linn Marit/curlie wurlie doo said...

Wow, love the pictures!! I think you look beautiful in both photos,but I know that if you feel better about yourself now, then that is the way to go. Good luck with your weigthloss journey, you are doing really well!!

Shauna Locke said...

That blue dress is gorgeous on you Lauren! Where did you get it?

I agree with everyone in the comments you looked beautiful before and you are beautiful now, let yourself see that :)

Hannah said...

You are looking fab in that dress, so elegant and classy!